Dont. Tell. Me. To. Forget.

This is me today: My boyfriends better then most

I spent the weekend with my amazing boyfriend. I had so much fun....

Goodness, I hate when I have to say goodbye....It sucks, but he is back at school and I go to Florida in 2 days, BUT he comes down 2 days after me. HOW exiciting!

I miss Brittany a freakin' ton.

Okay off to take a nap then Olive Garden. Double T.

This is me today: Boyfriend.

I missed having a boyfriend.

Mine is wonderful.

Me&Him=Me completely happy.

It's been awhile since a guy said something to make me smile....

xIheartyoux07: random i get bakc the 28th
tylerisfarout: i was seriously terrified of how gorgeous u were when i was younger thats why i seemed to distance myself from you, and its weird how u cant get back what u lost once u get older
xIheartyoux07: You see something I don't apparently, I didnt see anything speical about me

 tylerisfarout: ...
tylerisfarout: you"re beautiful

tylerisfarout: u should be with me....by urself, its not that hard, u know im not a creep, its not like im  like this weirdo, u know im chill
tylerisfarout: i took u to effing saves the day, thats radical u should be forever in debt to me haha jus kidding
xIheartyoux07: lol
xIheartyoux07: sigh i owe you so much
tylerisfarout: we're through u blew it
xIheartyoux07: omg and those girls were so trying to get with you
xIheartyoux07: itw as ridiclious
xIheartyoux07: I am way to jealous for that, sorry tyler you are too hott for me
tylerisfarout: i know im a hot cookie tylerisfarout: ...b for real...i still have feelings for you, everything happend so fast that night, i mean when it comes down to it, we never finished what we started AHH ...I miss that kid.

LOL and you must love that kid and if not, then get the fuck away.

This is me today: Freakin my Beans.
My tunes: You dont love me, Tim Mcgraw

*I forgot for a moment in time, that you don't love me anymore.*

Winn Dixie is sucking horribley I got the job training for Chili's all week this week, and well yeah I can't work regular pharmacy, ahh, I will probably lose out on that and go back to regular cashier which I would not mind you get to see lots of people, and socialize with YOUNG co-workers, ANYWAYS, Pictures...want some???

This is me...

This is what we got put on the front of the Dakota...Cute I love it.

This is Brittany...It's my favorite picture.

Oh and last but not least, Mark and Ian.

Comment guys.

This is me today: Missing Him.
My tunes: Our song....[sad]

It's barely been a day, and I miss him like crazy, hopefully just one and a half more. I'd do anything just to hug him. I'm pathetic.

This is me today: I heart my room.

I'm in Virginia for my birthday vaction type thing, whatever it is you would like to call it. We flew in today it's so gorgeous snow is EVERYWHERE, I have never seen snow like this before, I loved it besides the fact that I wore flip-flops and couldn't feel my feet after about five seconds of walking out of the airport. Well it was refreshing to see my mom, I love her so much, and we met Tommy cool ehhh?? He suits her and makes her happy that's all I ask for in him. Well things are going great same stuff, nothing new, well I just got done reading Brittany's post, intresting? Not quite, over dramatic BINGO....I mean come on it is all in the open and I am an affectionate person, I can't help it if I love someone I show it and I am not going to change that for ANYONE, It has only been one day and we spent the whole day on the planes the three of us, well you know I wanted a little alone time...I thought that is waht she liked time away from everything so I tried giving to her and it results into some freakin' retarded stuff such as this. I always thought if she loved me as much as I love her no guy should be able to affect anything we have, but thats right she doesn't see it beyond the point that what I did was horrible..she liked him a lot exactly, but we were in this same postion with Ronnie last year and did it effect our friendship I think not I wouldn't let it, so step back and think about it from both sides honestly, it's not only you....... and seriously I hate this so much. It's my two weeks in Virigina and I am not gonig to let anything go wrong on my part, I've aimed to please to much in this situation and when I do I am still seen as the "bad friend" so can't win, can't lose. Try to enjoy it it's really not THAT bad...

I'm going to go watch a movie, goodnight everyone.

This is me today: Torn.
My tunes: Wasted years.

I have been trying to hold back from calling Jesse jsut to see if he is pushing me away and trying to get distant, well today was nothing but the same shit talking about Jesse we even got Susie into it, and I finally after talking it all out broke down and felt like I was about to cry so I ran out side and called him as fast as I could and I was like Jesse so much is wrong here I can't even deal with it sometimes (and I just broke out in tears) I get to caught up in trying to be the stronger person that it kills me seriously, I listen to all of what everyone has to say and it's like not one single person besides you realize how I feel, you can understand perfectly how I can be exactly the same way with both of you, but everyone else arounds me makes it seem as if I am going out to hurt brittany behind her back and I can't deal with it, I need to get away so bad it's pathetic when my own sister in law can't understand me and see things the way I see them and you see them, it's seriously the hardest thing I have to deal with emotionally right now and the only way I can is by talking to you, and he understood completely and I swear this is why he gets me more then anything because he doesn't look at just his side he sees how both sides effect me, and he told me it is ridiclious that I have to sit here and listen to her talk about how she is hurt by both of us, and how he is upset that things are the way they are with me him and brittany because what they dont realize is by both of them saying things that they both are hurt by me makes me feel like complete shit because how can I hurt BOTH of my best friends when this is all a result of what they did, and that is exactly how he put it, It meant so much for atleast ONE of them to get across that it's not just the two of them, the middle man is effected the worse, because no one wants to be stuck in the middle of anything and not by choice I get to hear all of it. What is completely diffrent w ith him is he talks to me normally and everything is completely fine when I am on the phone with him there isn't ANYTHING going wrong in my head at that time because he doesnt talk about it constantly he just ask for updates and trys to help cheer me up about it and make sure that I am fine and it's not killing me to the point where he needs to back off, not that i would ever let him haha he has no choice but it's like a breath of fresh air to have atleast one person understand you completely, this is honestly what i needed, maybe this is why I confide in him so much because he looks at me and he can tell I have been hurt by crying over it I NEVER cry over this situation ever but it's getting way to much to where people view me in the wrong way even Brittany doesnt understand it, that hurts SO bad. I can't cry in front of Brittany and Susie because it's so not normal for me and since Jesse does see it I don't feel as though I got to hide it and he is so comforting I miss him so much I hate it....

So i'm done!

Sorry this is so long.

This is me today: AHHH!
My tunes: Eeek.

Analyzing makes to much sense...I'm freaked out.

I come to a realization about my friendship with Brittany and Jesse due to the fact that I could not fall asleep and I keep thinking. I always cling to Jesse more then Brittany when the three of us are together and I came to the final conclusion as to why, tonight I was talking to a friend about what has been happening between the three of us and she kind of got upset like she can't listen to it or hear it, so i dont know when to bring him up or when not to because it has to be when she is ready and I alway mess that up and I do realized that I am probably one of the most optomistic people and I look at everything on a more positive level then most do, but I know and understnad more now why I clinged on to him so much because when Britt gets upset, or says she doesn't want to hear things I don't know what to say or do I automiatcally first reaction is to freak out and not know waht to do or say but when we were around Jesse whenever she would get like this I would run to him knowing that he doesnt get upset over the same thing and doesnt get bothered by the same situations so I would run to him when something of this sort came up to run from the akwardness. Tongiht when this sort of thing happened I didn't know what to do because I don't get upset about it ever and when she does she stays that way for a long time and I dont know how to act or what to say to make anything right. It seems I only make matters worse, and there is no one for me to run to without Jesse being here so I kind of try and block it out and avoid talking to make it better well I couldn't do that tongiht, I couldn't even be in the same room I hate seeing someone upset and not knowing what to say or do to make it right. This is seriously why I think Me and Jesse were so clingy in Tallahasse because of the fact I just can't be around it I panic, maybe I am to optomistic but I can't help it. So for all of the time I never really understood how she seen it as being pushed out I realize it now, because me and Jesse are very much a like and probably the most obvious reason he pushed her away was for the same reasons, we aren't comfortable when you know there is nothing you can say or do to make the situation any better but avoid it until it is over and done with. It just sucks that it took this long to understand it, maybe she will understand why and maybe it will not seem as if we dont care we do. I care to much I just can't be around it, or it brings me down....Sorry, but I understand and this is pretty much the most reasonable reason I have for pushing people out in these sort of circumstances. I just hate it took me this long to explain it. Sorry..

This is me today: Brittany.
My tunes: My best friend-Tim Mcgraw

Brittany,

Calm to an extent. Loyal to an extreme. Jealous to a point. Affectionate in your dreams. Beautiful to eyes. As laid back as they come. Nervous when it comes to lies. Insecure but secretly. A great friend to the ones she loves. Espically the ones that get I love you and hugs. Mellow and carefree. Sarcastic when she needs to be. Pathetic to a minimum. Clingy some people may see. Hard headed and stubborn. Opinionate but subject to change. Flawfully pleasent. Not your typical girl. Easily infuenced by those she admires which isnt many. Complicated by simplicity. Mis-interpruts reality. But most importantly, Has the ability to amaze anyone. Shes not your average freind. She is just that times ten.

I love her.

KEITH URBAN....Be Here Tour '05 Ft. Meyers, Florida.

It was such a good show, the opening act was the Warren Brothers which are completely HOTT, Keith Urban came on stage and totally owned his show, He looked so freakin' gorgeous, holy gosh...*catches breath* He was amazing It was the first time I seen him do a head lining show, definatley need to go to more like that. The guy from Lynard Skynard was there and they sang sweet home alabama it was great. Never the less awesome night I got a cool shirt too! [thumbsup]!

This is me today: school.
My tunes: Blake Shelton- Some Beach.

Here it is...the new hair color! haha I dyed it the other day and finally took a picture, it's really dark, way darker then I was expecting but it was fine.

I'll write about the Keith Urban concert which was freakin' amazing when I get back to Arcadia tonight.

Xo Me.

This is me today: Jesse!!
My tunes: Mary-Kenny Chesney

We are back, and it is killing me, I have seperation anxiety from Jesse more then you could ever imagine, our trip was so nuch fun, I got to spend so much time with him, It's seriously never ending we get closer and closer everytime we are around each other. He was so happy to see us our first day, I loved every second of it, he took care of his girls more then well enough, I swear I dont think anyone has ever catered to me as much as he has! It was just what I needed a little get away but it was not to long, We stayed with his family his step-mom and dad were freakin' amazing they seriously treated us as if we were a part of the family, I loved them, I felt so at home there I could live like that and be set for the rest of my life thier house was so layed back and homey feeling it was so what I picture myself having one day...dreaming. Things have gotten a little stirred up but it's all fine, I found out some thing from Jesse that might of been better left in the dark, but I dont regret knowing them if anything it only made things stronger between the two of us, Im seriously glad that he is as comfortable around me as he could possibley be, he is everything I have been missing, he seriously is one of the most admirable people anyone could meet, I think just about everyone could look up to Jesse in some sort of way. I love him more then anything and I just hope distance won't kill it, I won't let it. Only sucky part is Brittany got into a little conflict for going up there so I doubt she will be going any other time for a while, but I plan on going up there and seeing him after Valentines day, but shhh it's a secret I am going to suprise him! Well enough for now. Bye

Instead of being sad because I left today, I am happy because I am counting down the days until I see him again!!!!

This is me today: Picture time.
My tunes: Love me one more goodbye. How Life Ripping

So this is what we get Saturday. *Crosses Fingers*

I love you two so freakin' much.

This is me today: Heartbroken.
My tunes: Nothing but my fingers typing

Heartbroken. </3

Jesse didn't call us today, this is only the second time we haven't heard from him since he has been away, I seriously think he is to much apart of me that when I don't hear from him it takes a lot out of me, he is seriously my dependent sometimes, pathetic? I wouldn't have it any other way...Well we are planning to see him so we will await his call. I hate this feeling of not knowing whats going on.

 I miss the three of us more then anything in the world I swear. Ilu2.

Today?? Intresting by far, We went to class yes that is correct we did something for SCHOOL. Then came back to Tampa and we hung out here for a bit and decided to see what Ronnie and Mike were up to so we called them, and well yeah needless to say Ronnie is the most immature person I have EVER met in my whole life, but I will def. leave it at that. Mike was well just that Mike. Then I get a call from mister Kramer, I love that kid so much I haven't hung out with him in forever so he came over and it was awesome we went to the store and bought Brittany's second love of her life, the un mentionable...haha and came back and took pictures lots and lots of pictures, Derek had this amazing camera it was fun!

 He is so into this...picture taking deal.

 Brittany and Derek.

 Me and Derek...Cute facial expression haha.

This is me today: I never felt so upset.
My tunes: The sounds of sniffles...from my nose.

I will fail under these lights that beat down from the bitter skies tonight......

What do you do when you lose that one person that means absoultely everything to you, and you haven't ever had to be without? Today Jesse moved, it was one of the worst days ever, I cried so much, Heres what happened Sunday night me and Jesse took Brittany back to Tampa, and hung out there for some time then he decided he needed to head back to get the keys to his house before his mom went to work, so we left and from there we went to Punta Gorda and I stayed the night, he was suppose to leave monday but he was sure he wasn't because his dad never called, so everything was fine we had an awesome night just hanging out and talking, until he got a call from his dad at nine on monday morning and he woke me up and told me He was leaving I started bawling, I love this kid more then I have loved people I have known for years and years, so I didn't know how to take it, I just layed there and cried in his arms for about 2 hours, he started crying a little bit but like any guy he tryed hard to blow it off as if it was nothing, then It was time for me to leave I said my goodbye to him and his mom, and her friend pee-wee, it was so sad, I started crying uncontrollabley again, then I got in my truck really fast and drove away and didn't look back at him because I know it would of torn me apart to just see him standing there, so I drove away pretty fast, and about 5 minutes later i looked up and saw him on his motorcylce flashing his lights, and I lost it, I didnt want to have to pull over and say bye agian I HATE GOODBYES, so i called brittany and she told me to pull over, so i did and he took off his helmet and i put the phone down and just hid my face and started crying and hes like just wanted to say "I love you so much, and that I am going to miss you." and he kissed me and said bye, and he goes "Whos on the phone, Brittany?" OF COURSE!!!!! So I handed him the phone and he was talking to her for about 3 minutes before he got all choked up and had to get off the phone, it was so sad and he gave me a hug and kissed my cheek and started crying a little and slammed down his visor of his helmet and rode away, i was heartbroken, AH! Then later that day I went to Tampa to see Brittany and we decided to go see him for one last time, not smart it was so sad....We hung ut like any normal night but for some reason it was the best, we went to waffle house, and then to the beach (Which we use to do a lot), then we got some ice cream, and went back to his house and hung out, it was horrible I cried so much, brittany cried so much, and he even cried a lot suprisingly, It was sad, Brittany scared me a lot because I never see her cry and that she definately was doing, He just kept saying how much he loved us and was going to miss us, then we all fell asleep I slept on the couch with him, and brittany was listening to music and passed out later on, all last night he kept waking me up I think for some since of he was scared to leave and needed someone to tlak to, at one point he told me "I think I fell in love with you" that means so much coming from your bestfriend.......but it made me cry harder, it was nuts, jsut a bunch of tears, as he would say we were the " water works " Gosh I still miss him so much and don't know what we are going to do without him, we seriously spent almost everyday for the past 3 months together, we got pictures devloped from last night it was amazing and def. unforgettable, I cant write anymore I'm getting to upset,.

We love and miss you Jesse. =o(

Hardest thing we ever have to do, is come back and try and be the same old crew.

This is me today: IT'S COLD.
My tunes: Christmas tunes.

I care!

I hate thinking I could possibley feel that way again, completely happy. It's amazing, but so scary, you know that it will be perfect for a while but nothing last forever so I'm scared of what I might be getting myself into. I wish for the best, but who doesn't? So anyways, besides all of this new guy stuff, It's almost Christmas, HOW EXCITING? I already know I got a Cd player for my truck from my mom, she sucks at keeping secrets, I bought my brother San Andres the new Grand theft auto game, I got his wife The Sims: Bustin' out she has been wanting it for forever, I got my nephew this little chair thing it is so cute because he got work bench with all these fake tools from my dad so i got him this car/chair thing it's adorable, I got my neice a glow worm what little girl didn't have a glow worm? I got my mom some "Romance" by Ralph Lauren, and I got my dad tickets to see queen with Paul Rogers, I love christmas! haha Enough babbling.

I think I can learn to love again...We are wanting the same so Don't break my heart.

Merry Christmas guys.

This is me today: Concerts Concerts Concerts!
My tunes: Queen

"Your loving eyes have never seemed so cold, Breaking your heart never seemed to get old."

Okay, Jealousy? Yes, I was looking through my dads ticket stubs from when he was younger and I am so jealous. He has by far some of the coolest concerts I can't even believe he has seen so many, He has such a range to, and the tickets were so cheap like $7.50 was the average, he has Queen, Kiss, Ac Dc, Tom Petty, Bruce Springstein, The Eagles, Don Henley, Pat Benatar, Blue Oyster Cult, ZZ top, Lynard Skynard, Heart, Led Zepplin... gosh and so much more, and it's not like he seen then just once he has multipile ticket stubs.... What I would give to have a collection like that, I have my own but no nearly as awesome as his.

I am going to see Keith Urban on January 25, 2005, HOW EXCITING, my dad is buying tickets the day they go one sale, this looks horrible under all thise concerts but it is Mr. Urban, so I'm satisfied.